For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So much rum. So many feels.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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