I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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