i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
