I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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