my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
