I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
