I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize