yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize