Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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