I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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