This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
