Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
