I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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