You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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