remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
