I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
