This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
