sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
