You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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