Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
