im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
