i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize