Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
