20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize