Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
