"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
