my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize