Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
