why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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