Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize