Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
