I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
