no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
