I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize