Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
