Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
