mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
