Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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