drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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