so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
