Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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