They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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