somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
