She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
