did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
