I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I party with great urgency now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
