All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
