My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
