she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
