New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
