just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
