whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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