my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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