Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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