drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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