I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
