I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
