Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
