I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
