i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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