In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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