you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
