umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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