We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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