She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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