I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
