I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
