If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
