yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
