remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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