Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
