All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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