Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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