I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
