You're so nebulous sometimes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
