Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
