he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
