I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
