I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
