My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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