I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
