If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
