he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
