I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
