those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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