Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
