well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
