apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
