I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Randomize
