It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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